life is

Incredibly busy and rewarding right now. I’m stressed out and exhausted but at the end of the day I couldn’t be happier doing anything else, because though maybe all of this will get old one day, it’s all I’ve got now.

(College is: lectures, friends, sorority life, boyfriend, new job, homework, midterms, parties, just enough sleep, and a whole lot of dirty jokes and junk food.)

“For nature lovers, this season has brought the appearance of a special species, homo studentus universitatus, a.k.a. the college student on break.

This highly social creature, which travels in packs and leaves a trail of unwashed dishes, is apparently drawn to return every winter to its parental nest. Researchers speculate that it is attracted to large-screen TVs, down comforters and a ready supply of food.

The initial arrival of homo studentus in late December is heralded by the appearance of a large pile of dirty laundry. This is followed by other piles of shoes and clothes, as the denim-rumped primate marks its territory by covering all flat surfaces with its possessions. Within days, the floor of its den is nearly impassable, though interestingly, the creature itself seems not to notice.

It generally remains in its winter habitat through mid-January, displaying the characteristics that make it a particularly intriguing form of wildlife.

A nocturnal animal, homo studentus is rarely glimpsed before mid-afternoon. Observers are warned: Do not attempt to disturb it before it awakens, as it can become hostile.

Once it begins to stir, it generally moves slowly to the vicinity of a television and a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. Again, do not approach it; at this point the creature appears to be unable to engage in conversation or even to hear sounds such as requests to walk the dog.

By late afternoon, however, homo studentus becomes fully conscious and begins to interact with other members of its species.

Homo studentus communicates largely by using its opposable thumbs for texting. The species’ social structure is complex and communal. Individuals gather in collectives, similar to hives, with different individuals fulfilling specific roles. One may buy the beer; another may surf YouTube for funny videos of animals.

They will often congregate on sofas in family rooms, burrowing underneath fleece throws and blankets. The pack can grow so large and dense that it may be difficult to discern which feet belong to which body. Observers trying to track the populations are advised to count heads.

Homo studentus is an extremely intelligent species, judging by the creatures’ GPAs, their verbal interactions and their speed with answers to “Jeopardy!” However, scientists are puzzled by their inability to fold blankets or put dishes into a dishwasher. It may be that their brains have evolved to specialize in such tasks as remembering lines from movies and applying to graduate school, to the detriment of those parts of the brain that are involved in such tasks as hanging clothes in a closet.

They appear to be cold-blooded, judging by the levels at which they set the thermostat. On the other hand, their preference for indoor heat may be a function of not paying for utilities.

Those who hope to observe this species closely can attract them by providing the right environment. Set out feeders, e.g. pizzas. Scatter indoor areas with pillows. Provide premium cable channels and potato chips. Stay out of sight and don’t touch the remote.

You may not always see the creatures themselves, particularly if you sleep at night. Some people have gone days without seeing the examples of homo studentus that have taken up residence in their homes. Be patient, and look for signs: A profusion of hair-care products in your bathroom, perhaps, or tire tracks in the snow on your front lawn. Eventually, even the most elusive of the creatures will show themselves, if only to ask you to buy more Honey Nut Cheerios.

The rewards of the species’ visit are substantial — a window into a complex society, happy noise in a quiet house, an impressive library of funny animal videos and the way your credit card feels so vibrantly alive. Indeed, many wildlife watchers are reluctant to see the creatures depart, and abandon their roles as observers to hug and kiss the creatures.

But the homo studentus season is brief. No matter how much the creatures have enjoyed the family nest and the use of their own bathrooms, they will soon return to college. Nature lovers must put away their binoculars, turn down the thermostat and bide their time until spring migration.”

- Barbara Brotman

hello 2010

I realize I’m twelve days late for the “Welcome to the New Year”-shebang, but up until recently 2010 didn’t really feel like the start of anything, much less a new decade. While I’m at it, the year in review:

January

• Started this blog. Wrote a lot while mostly trying to figure out what I wanted from life, especially after grades came out first quarter. Got trashed a few times and felt shitty while trying to get that “lease on life.” Studied. Studied. Studied.

February

• Went home for President’s Day, which was fine until Epic Fight with father. Didn’t talk to him for four months (have yet to grow out of holding grudges). Relationship with boyfriend coming along swimmingly and thought about sex a lot. The internet didn’t help with that one, as everyone seemed to be thinking about sex during February. Questioned what I wanted to do with my life.

March

• Finished the quarter and went to visit the boyfriend on the east coast. Trekked along in NYC and romanticized the idea of moving there when I’m worldly and 24. Quickly came down back to earth after realizing what a ridiculous and unrealistic idea it was. Had massive fight with suitemates over living situation for the next year and held a grudge.

April

• Started a new quarter. Life was good. Went to a lot of concerts and the beach. Had a lot of weird thoughts about my relationship and didn’t realize that they were actually warning signs about the shit-storm that was to come. Won a blow-up doll. Made up with suitemates, grew closer to roommate. Good shit.

May

• Went through too many complicated issues with the boyfriend. Didn’t want to break up but knew what we were doing wasn’t working. Worried about classes and grades a lot. Visited home and made up with Dad after being threatened by Mom. Things were cool by the end of the visit.

Summer

• June-August came and went in a blur of happy memories and good food. Made up with boyfriend by seeing him all the time and talking about it. Made up with Dad by not getting in each other’s hair and not talking about it. Decided to join a sorority. Turned 19.

September

• Came back to school. Partied. Too much alcohol (I think). So much school work. Barely writing.

October

• Rushed and got into a sorority I liked and learned to love. Things are great with the boyfriend, with the new friends, with the roommates. Classes are coming along swimmingly, though I’m eating ramen basically every day. Life is alright. Still not writing.

November

• Life becomes whirl of homework, parties, and people. Having minor fights with boyfriend over somewhat serious/somewhat stupid stuff, which resulted in a lot of two hour long walks at 10 at night. Not thinking about anything but getting into grad school. The whole “future” issue seems to have disappeared, though I’m still fidgeting over it. Wanting to write again.

December

• Studying. Not sleeping enough. So, so ready to go home for Winter Break. Plans were made to visit New York. Plans fell through. Searched for a puppy for Mom and made up with boyfriend. Minor incidences of annoyance with parents. Bearable, through and through. Job searched.

And now? Well, January’s come and is halfway over, and I’m doing good for myself. After intensively dating PortTriton (UCSD’s job listing site), I found a job at a biomedical research lab, where I have a contract to work for at least through the summer and an extended offer to work through the next school year as well. Though it’s only second week, I’m doing my best to stay motivated and get my work in order. I’ve re-resolved to write more (hello, resolution of last year that resulted in this blog) and to care less about what people think of it. Things between the boyfriend and I are good (twenty-one months today!), as are relations with roommates and friends. I’m turning twenty this year, and life looks good.

The whole growing-up in college thing really surprises me sometimes. Having a successful long distance relationship, making friends outside of my established circle, going Greek, and getting a job—these are all things that I thought about but could have never predicted. I’m still making goals for myself, but I’m in no rush. One thing I learned from 2009 is to relax a little bit, so I’m going to do just that. Things will work out because things always work out, and that’s that.

woes of winter quarter

Though I’ve only been back for a few days, I can already feel the days of Winter Quarter slowly melting into each other. I wake up, walk to class, sit through lectures, cook, eat, do homework, sleep. I think about entertaining myself by finding some random freshman boy to creep on but that’s lost its appeal, as second quarter freshman have wised up and are no longer as susceptible to my older woman* charm. There’s a distinct desire to find some beautiful man for a friend or two but those are rare, at best, at UCSD. Soon, and I know myself well enough for this, I will be bitching about how no one gets unplanned pregnancies anymore.

But I digress.

A year or so ago, a family friend decided to suspend his education at UCLA, where he was a very promising engineering student, because he felt like a hamster running in a ball. I don’t quite feel like a hamster. I feel like I’m driving on the 5, only there’s no destination like LA or school at the end of the trip. After a while the scenery just starts to blend into the ground, even though I know that one bush or penis-shaped rock is never the same as the last one.

This is the best form of brainwashing myself into believing that this is what I really want and that a certain GPA will guarantee success in the “real world.” Pish posh. What I really want to know is how happy I have to be to be satisfied, or whether that actually exists when you’re nineteen.

I understand that I’m merely waxing idiotic on how dreary college can be after the parties become overrated and the boys fat with beer. But something more exciting has got to be out there, right?

*On my return flight back to San Diego, the luggage guy looked at me and asked if I was old enough to fly alone. Then he looked at my license, said, “Wow, you’re almost 21!”, and laughed.

nothing beats the price of education

Just spent over $160 on books, and I still haven’t gotten everything yet. Hopefully I’ll be able to make a little bit of that back by spamming Facebook Marketplace with every book I’ve had to purchase in the past.

On the bright side, while looking for said used textbooks, I found my old Nerf gun.

finals week diet

What a college students eats when they have no time for food. Is it any surprise that my insides are rotting?

• Grande caramel mocchiatos, half syrup, extra hot, whipped cream but no syrup on top
• Starbucks Lite Doubleshots
• Ramen
• Bagel bites
• Sourpunch Straws (Zappin’ Apple)
• VitaminWater (Power-C)
• Ben&Jerry’s Imagined Whirled Peace

Am I being delusional by hoping that all of the vitamins in VitaminWater will be enough?

renegade mind of a sorority girl

It’s been a square month since I’ve entered Greek life. Since then, I’ve gone through some of the basic traditions towards becoming a full-time active member, such as going through the first degree of initiation, getting a big sis and new family, wearing letters, and learning to put a distinction between myself and my sorority.

I know I’m lucky to go to UCSD, where Greek life is less intense than at other schools, because I still have many opportunities to have a life outside of my chapter. I love my sisters, but I like having non-affiliated friends, too. Entering a sorority is a little like going back to high school: you’re thrust back into cliques with the occasionally catty girl or two. It’s nice to have an extended network of girls who have a connection to you and will talk to you regardless of how different you are, but there is the drama expected of placing 80-100+ girls into a room together. Having friends who don’t have an idea what Presents and Serenades are is a delightfully different change of pace.

There’s some definite truth in saying that I’m not a typical sorority girl. Half the time I forget I’m even affiliated, actually, because I live with girls who aren’t and are friends with girls who aren’t. In fact, I hold a certain set level of annoyance towards any Greek girls who don’t hold themselves at least slightly aloof. If keeping myself from being overwhelmed in just Alpha Alpha Alpha-life means skipping a few sisterhood events and exchanges, then I’m alright with that.

Maybe this means that I’m not taking advantage of the situation that I’ve been put in. Say what you will, but in a sense I am paying for friends. There’s no specific guarantee that I’ll like everyone in my chapter, but joining a sorority is allowing yourself to be scheduled into social events, where you’ll at least learn to be acquaintances with a far larger circle of people than you would meet otherwise. I love my sisters, but I refuse to let myself be limited by them. I am more than my chapter, and far more than a sorority girl.

sophomore year is…

I’ve been neglecting my blog lately, due to my 10000x more busy schedule now that I’m a sophomore. A lot factors into my sudden lack of free time, but the main ones would most likely be: work-heavy classes, joining a sorority, and finding sleep and cooking to be my new favorite past-times.

In some ways I’m glad that I have so much more to do. For example, I’ve never really cooked before (preferring instead to bake), but with my new kitchen I have little reason not to try. So far I’ve tried my hand at simple staples such as stir-fry, baked drumsticks, pasta, french onion soup, etc., which have all turned out quite tasty. I’m going to try to enhance my repertoire, so that with time and patience, I expect I’ll be half decent.

Then of course there’s in inclusion of new classes to my schedule. As a Bio major, it shouldn’t be any surprise that I’m taking classes such as chem lab, physics, and biology. What I didn’t expect was how much homework I would actually have. I got used to simply studying last year, as my grade mostly came from midterms and the final. Now I’ve got lab reports, online homework, and quizzes. The work isn’t hard, but there’s just so damn much… It feels like high school all over again, but with a hundred times more pressure.

Of course, joining a sorority is a huge reason why my free time seems to have been slurped away. With four to five social events a week, I’ve barely had time to squeeze in homework. Tomorrow’s lineup includes a new member orientation, a sisterhood bonding session, and a bid party/exchange with a frat, with more the following week. I feel bad about not going to every single event, but midterms are coming up and I am swamped.

Do I regret any of this, even the lack of free-time? Yeah, but not really. I have few complaints about my life right now: my relationship is going swimmingly, I like my roommates and new friends, and I’m doing alright in school. I’m optimistic about the rest of the year, and only expect better things to come.

post rush

OK, so I didn’t stick with my promise of posting a little bit about Rush every day, but that’s because it was just so damn hectic. Six days of running around like puppy dogs, trying to please anyone who gets in your face, while maintaining any semblance of individual personality, is more exhausting than it sounds. Yesterday was my bid party (because yes, I was lucky enough to get a bid!), and I’ve finally mustered up the strength to reflect and type.

After Open House Nights, we were invited back to (at most) six of the nine sororities on Spirit Night. This is when Rush gets scary, because some girls had to face the possibility of not getting into their top choice chapters. The Rush process is quite neat: girls rate their top six sororities on equal standing, ranking the remaining three in order of preference. Lists are also made by each individual chapter, of girls to be invited back. However, girls can only go back to sororities that invite them back. I was invited back to six sororities; however, only five of them were in my top choices. This process continues for the remaining nights, as well (from six to four, then two).

Spirit Night was probably my favorite night of Rush. Girls of each chapter pranced around the room, dancing and singing to choreographed numbers expressing their appreciation of their sisterhood system and sorority. What was nice about this night was that because we could remember old faces and feel a little less awkward while talking to the girls. Additionally, the songs and dances were a good representation of how the girls felt about each other and, more importantly, themselves. Were they self-conscious? Looking at the ground the entire time? Laughing? Body language says a lot.

The next night, we were invited back to four sororities to learn about each chapter’s humanitarian efforts for Philanthropy Night. A slide-show and presentation was given on each chapter’s nationally adopted philanthropy, which can include AIDS Research, Domestic Violence, Make-A-Wish-Foundation, etc. Each chapter typically holds one big Greek Philanthropy event, but many chapters also hold side fundraisers and volunteer efforts. Many sororities require their girls to volunteer at least four hours each quarter, if not more.

The last big night of rush was Preference Night, the most intimate night of all of rush, where we only meet with two sororities, one of which is very likely to give us a bid. We rank them in order of preference. Each sorority held their nights differently, ranging from ceremonies to just speeches. However, what was notable about this night was that every girl talked to someone they already knew or had talked to before. This made for a far more comfortable arrangement. When I came out of Preference Night, I knew.

Tuesday, the last official day of Rush, was Bid Day. Every girl invited back to Bid day were assured of a bid from their top two choices. We were seated outside of the UCSD Price Center, where we were serenaded by each sorority and all their members, while sitting on envelopes that held our bids. Our Sigma Rho Chi’s were unveiled and invited back to their chapters, and then finally, after hours and hours, we were allowed to open our bids and run to our new sisters.

I wish I could explain the process in a more coherent, eloquent way, but I can’t. There’s simply no way to explain the emotions that go to Rush—the disappointment at not being asked back to one of your top choices, the twinge of pity at a friend’s similar fate, the utter hope that just permeates the air… The best I can do is just write down about my process and keep what I felt inside, and let other girls judge for themselves when they choose to rush. In any sense, Rush was an amazing start to what is looking to be a great year, and will continue to be one of the most memorable experiences of my entire life. And if you’ve ever thought about it, do it. There’s no regret in trying.