You are always wearing your letters

“You’re interested in joining our fraternity? We’d love to have you. You’re the type of person we look for: committed, enthusiastic, a leader. We think you’ll do great things here, and we hope that we’ll open some doors for you. You will make lifelong friendships, and hopefully, you’ll be the type of person whose positive impact will be felt here for many years.

This is the start of something really cool.

We know you have your reasons for joining, and we also know that the reasons you’ll stay will be entirely different. Trust us on that one. People tend to join for the image, the props, and the social stuff. They stay around for the friendships and because they find a place where they can impact the lives of others. It’s a family. We know this. Soon, you will, too.

Soon, these letters will be yours. But, there’s one lesson that we need to impress upon you before you sign your name on the dotted line, pay that first fee, and get that first t-shirt. It’s the single most important thing we’re going to ask of you, so you need to listen and understand it, now, before you say “yes.”

It’s the one most important thing that any fraternity or sorority can impress upon its new members. It’s the one lesson that every group must impress upon its newest members. Truly, our survival as an organization on this campus, and nationwide, depends on you understanding this one simple lesson and taking it to heart.

It’s more important than our history, our traditions, our structure, or our rules. Because, if you don’t understand this most fundamental lesson, then none of the other stuff will matter. If you don’t get this one “golden rule of fraternity,” then your son or daughter won’t have this kind of organization to join someday, and all of this will just be a fuzzy memory.

Here it is. Ready?

From the moment you say yes to this organization, you are always wearing your letters.

I’m going to repeat it.

From the moment you say yes to this organization, you are always wearing your letters.

We’re not talking about t-shirts, or sweatshirts, or hats made in the colors of the group. We’re not talking about a tattoo on your ankle, some party favor, or a badge you wear on your dress shirt.

What we mean is that when you say yes to lifetime membership in this group, everything you say, do and represent from that moment forward is a direct reflection on this group, your brothers, and the thousands of members who have come before you. Everything you put out to the world is a direct reflection of this fraternity. Every decision, every achievement, every mistake you make happens to all of us from this point forward.

When you go to the grocery store, you represent us. If you fall asleep in class or earn a weak grade, you represent us. When you drive down the road and slow down so a pedestrian can cross the street, you represent us.

When you turn 21 and hit the town, you represent us. When you become a leader of another campus organization, you represent us. When you insult someone or talk badly about another fraternity, you represent us. When you break up with someone and make decisions about how you behave during that difficult time, you represent us. When you go on Spring Break, you represent us.

When you go home and sit at your mother’s dining room table, you represent us. When you get a job and go to work for a company or organization, you represent us. When you commit your life to that special person, someday, you represent us.
You are always wearing your letters.

From this day forward, always. Every day, in every situation. They never come off.

As surely as if you tattooed these letters on your forehead. It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing a jersey with our name on it, or a business suit at an interview. You have to assume that every person you meet will form a permanent opinion about fraternities – good or bad – based on how you interact with them. Every good thing you do builds us up. Every dumb thing you do tears us down.

We live in a time when the actions of one man or one woman can kill a group like ours. One person who acts in a way that is inconsistent with our shared values can end a hundred years of tradition and pride. One choice you make on a Friday night can take away everything that generations of men have worked to build.

All the stuff you see that belongs to us can be boxed up or thrown out, because of the choices you make.

If this seems a little intense, that’s good. Because it’s serious. If it sounds like too much responsibility, or if you don’t think you can behave in a way that reflects well on us at all times, then walk away now. Do us the favor. We won’t think less of you. In fact, we’ll thank you. This sort of commitment isn’t for everybody.

But, don’t say yes unless you understand.

We’re not asking you to give up anything. We aren’t asking you to become something you aren’t. We’re asking you to become something more. We’re inviting you to become part of a group of men who make a promise to take care of each other, every day. We’re asking you to become the very best version of you that you can be.

We’re asking you to take a leap of maturity and to go to that place where you’re the same, honorable, dignified person on Saturday night as you are on Tuesday morning.

It’s a big deal, and not everyone can do it. Forget everything you’ve heard up to this point. Forget how much you might desire this, or how much we might want to bring you into the group. Just clear your mind and ask yourself one question.

Are you ready to never take them off?

Because when you say yes, you’re not just putting letters on a sweatshirt. You’re putting them in your heart. You’re forever stamping your identity with them. Everything you are, from this point on, becomes who we are.

You will make mistakes, and brothers will remind you of your commitment. There will be times where you will see other brothers forgetting their promise, and you’ll need to remind them. That’s part of this whole “fraternity” thing. We work together to make ourselves better men who stand for something. We carry each other. We matter to one another.

If we’re doing fraternity right, then we’ll make you a better man. If you’re doing everything right, then you will make us a better organization.

So, please think about it. Take it seriously.

Because if you say yes, these letters belong to you as surely as they belonged to our founders. If you say yes, these letters become your responsibility forever.
That’s the promise.”

(via The Apathy Myth)

For those in the Greek Community or planning on joining the Greek Community at some point, please give these words a little bit of thought.

Since the racially-charged incidents at UCSD* started in part because of several Greek organizations, I’ve been giving the idea of representation a lot of thought. People think of joining a sorority or fraternity for friends, for parties, for fun and good times, but branding yourself as a member of certain letters is a responsibility that we only seem to remember during initiation (reciting vows of lifetime membership, and being considered a recognized member) and other ritual events.

I enjoy being in my sorority, and I’m proud to be part of a sisterhood. However, there’s nothing scarier than knowing that everything you do from initiation on is a representation of an entire group of people you respect. As one of my sisters said, “What we mean is that when you say yes to lifetime membership in this group, everything you say, do and represent from that moment forward is a direct reflection on this group, your brothers, and the thousands of members who have come before you. Everything you put out to the world is a direct reflection of this fraternity. Every decision, every achievement, every mistake you make happens to all of us from this point forward.”

I know most people don’t respect sorority girls or fraternity men, because they don’t know the meaning of being bound by those letters and only see our escapades in drinking or in partying. But being Greek is a lot more than that, and being a sister is a lot more than that. It teaches, more than anything else, to respect an alliance and to better yourself because of it, and you become more than yourself.

* ‘Compton Cookout’ Cheatsheet by Teresa Wu, fellow UCSD student (and incidentally also graduated from my high school), for those who would like to follow the incident but don’t know where to start.

weekend foodie rundown

The boyfriend came across the country this weekend to spend time with me, so the friends and I decided to rise to the occasion and eat our way through San Diego. As expected, I spent my first paycheck on stuffing my face.

Sushi Deli

The cheapest, most assessable (read: white-palate friendly) sushi and Japanese food in San Diego, available at three locations (Sushi Delis 1, 2, and 3). It’s not the best sushi I’ve ever had, but at its price, it’s definitely worth a stop. We tried (among other things): teriyaki platters, tempura udon, and a bunch of different rolls. Our favorites are the 4x4 (four different pieces of four different rolls) and the Broadway (salmon, spicy tuna, tempura shrimp). For $16, I got a tempura udon and two rolls. Yum.

Joe’s Crab Shack

Let’s say this: we were all craving Boiling Crab, which was the only reason we decided to settle for Joe’s. The food was alright, but we definitely weren’t full, even after stuffing ourselves with the potatoes, corn, and sausage. Between five of us, we tried the Dungeness Crab Bucket in Garlic Herb and Spicy Boil, the Fire-Grilled Steampot and the Joe’s Classic Steampot. The Fire-Grilled was definitely the most tasty and flavorful. We split the bill, which came out to about $18 per person.

Phuong Trang

We always come to this Vietnamese/Chinese restaurant for pho, which is pretty darn good. Tasty broth and pretty fresh noodles, which is basically all I require. $5.50 for a regular sized bowl of Pho Tai.

Extraordinary Desserts

Um, YUM. Also, ridiculously expensive. I love this excellent dessert place, which always has several amazing varieties of cake and fruit pastries, and do both so well. Edible flowers and gold leaf adorn each piece of dessert, which comes to around $8.50, give or take. I suggest going to the Extraordinary Desserts on 5th Street, rather than the one in Little Italy, because there is simply more parking.

Phil’s BBQ

This place is amazing. Period. My friend Monica is obsessed with this BBQ joint, which is usually so popular that the line winds around the establishment. Great baby back ribs and beef ribs (and the best damn coleslaw I’ve ever tasted). To avoid the line, come after 9PM. We got a teaser platter for $7, which included a huge tower of french fries, coleslaw, and ribs (4 bones). Amaaazing.

life is

Incredibly busy and rewarding right now. I’m stressed out and exhausted but at the end of the day I couldn’t be happier doing anything else, because though maybe all of this will get old one day, it’s all I’ve got now.

(College is: lectures, friends, sorority life, boyfriend, new job, homework, midterms, parties, just enough sleep, and a whole lot of dirty jokes and junk food.)

woes of winter quarter

Though I’ve only been back for a few days, I can already feel the days of Winter Quarter slowly melting into each other. I wake up, walk to class, sit through lectures, cook, eat, do homework, sleep. I think about entertaining myself by finding some random freshman boy to creep on but that’s lost its appeal, as second quarter freshman have wised up and are no longer as susceptible to my older woman* charm. There’s a distinct desire to find some beautiful man for a friend or two but those are rare, at best, at UCSD. Soon, and I know myself well enough for this, I will be bitching about how no one gets unplanned pregnancies anymore.

But I digress.

A year or so ago, a family friend decided to suspend his education at UCLA, where he was a very promising engineering student, because he felt like a hamster running in a ball. I don’t quite feel like a hamster. I feel like I’m driving on the 5, only there’s no destination like LA or school at the end of the trip. After a while the scenery just starts to blend into the ground, even though I know that one bush or penis-shaped rock is never the same as the last one.

This is the best form of brainwashing myself into believing that this is what I really want and that a certain GPA will guarantee success in the “real world.” Pish posh. What I really want to know is how happy I have to be to be satisfied, or whether that actually exists when you’re nineteen.

I understand that I’m merely waxing idiotic on how dreary college can be after the parties become overrated and the boys fat with beer. But something more exciting has got to be out there, right?

*On my return flight back to San Diego, the luggage guy looked at me and asked if I was old enough to fly alone. Then he looked at my license, said, “Wow, you’re almost 21!”, and laughed.

renegade mind of a sorority girl

It’s been a square month since I’ve entered Greek life. Since then, I’ve gone through some of the basic traditions towards becoming a full-time active member, such as going through the first degree of initiation, getting a big sis and new family, wearing letters, and learning to put a distinction between myself and my sorority.

I know I’m lucky to go to UCSD, where Greek life is less intense than at other schools, because I still have many opportunities to have a life outside of my chapter. I love my sisters, but I like having non-affiliated friends, too. Entering a sorority is a little like going back to high school: you’re thrust back into cliques with the occasionally catty girl or two. It’s nice to have an extended network of girls who have a connection to you and will talk to you regardless of how different you are, but there is the drama expected of placing 80-100+ girls into a room together. Having friends who don’t have an idea what Presents and Serenades are is a delightfully different change of pace.

There’s some definite truth in saying that I’m not a typical sorority girl. Half the time I forget I’m even affiliated, actually, because I live with girls who aren’t and are friends with girls who aren’t. In fact, I hold a certain set level of annoyance towards any Greek girls who don’t hold themselves at least slightly aloof. If keeping myself from being overwhelmed in just Alpha Alpha Alpha-life means skipping a few sisterhood events and exchanges, then I’m alright with that.

Maybe this means that I’m not taking advantage of the situation that I’ve been put in. Say what you will, but in a sense I am paying for friends. There’s no specific guarantee that I’ll like everyone in my chapter, but joining a sorority is allowing yourself to be scheduled into social events, where you’ll at least learn to be acquaintances with a far larger circle of people than you would meet otherwise. I love my sisters, but I refuse to let myself be limited by them. I am more than my chapter, and far more than a sorority girl.

post rush

OK, so I didn’t stick with my promise of posting a little bit about Rush every day, but that’s because it was just so damn hectic. Six days of running around like puppy dogs, trying to please anyone who gets in your face, while maintaining any semblance of individual personality, is more exhausting than it sounds. Yesterday was my bid party (because yes, I was lucky enough to get a bid!), and I’ve finally mustered up the strength to reflect and type.

After Open House Nights, we were invited back to (at most) six of the nine sororities on Spirit Night. This is when Rush gets scary, because some girls had to face the possibility of not getting into their top choice chapters. The Rush process is quite neat: girls rate their top six sororities on equal standing, ranking the remaining three in order of preference. Lists are also made by each individual chapter, of girls to be invited back. However, girls can only go back to sororities that invite them back. I was invited back to six sororities; however, only five of them were in my top choices. This process continues for the remaining nights, as well (from six to four, then two).

Spirit Night was probably my favorite night of Rush. Girls of each chapter pranced around the room, dancing and singing to choreographed numbers expressing their appreciation of their sisterhood system and sorority. What was nice about this night was that because we could remember old faces and feel a little less awkward while talking to the girls. Additionally, the songs and dances were a good representation of how the girls felt about each other and, more importantly, themselves. Were they self-conscious? Looking at the ground the entire time? Laughing? Body language says a lot.

The next night, we were invited back to four sororities to learn about each chapter’s humanitarian efforts for Philanthropy Night. A slide-show and presentation was given on each chapter’s nationally adopted philanthropy, which can include AIDS Research, Domestic Violence, Make-A-Wish-Foundation, etc. Each chapter typically holds one big Greek Philanthropy event, but many chapters also hold side fundraisers and volunteer efforts. Many sororities require their girls to volunteer at least four hours each quarter, if not more.

The last big night of rush was Preference Night, the most intimate night of all of rush, where we only meet with two sororities, one of which is very likely to give us a bid. We rank them in order of preference. Each sorority held their nights differently, ranging from ceremonies to just speeches. However, what was notable about this night was that every girl talked to someone they already knew or had talked to before. This made for a far more comfortable arrangement. When I came out of Preference Night, I knew.

Tuesday, the last official day of Rush, was Bid Day. Every girl invited back to Bid day were assured of a bid from their top two choices. We were seated outside of the UCSD Price Center, where we were serenaded by each sorority and all their members, while sitting on envelopes that held our bids. Our Sigma Rho Chi’s were unveiled and invited back to their chapters, and then finally, after hours and hours, we were allowed to open our bids and run to our new sisters.

I wish I could explain the process in a more coherent, eloquent way, but I can’t. There’s simply no way to explain the emotions that go to Rush—the disappointment at not being asked back to one of your top choices, the twinge of pity at a friend’s similar fate, the utter hope that just permeates the air… The best I can do is just write down about my process and keep what I felt inside, and let other girls judge for themselves when they choose to rush. In any sense, Rush was an amazing start to what is looking to be a great year, and will continue to be one of the most memorable experiences of my entire life. And if you’ve ever thought about it, do it. There’s no regret in trying.

dissecting rush: open house, day one

I spent 4:00-10:00PM today judging and being judged by dozens up on dozens of sorority girls. Nerve-wracking as it was, the experience was definitely one of the less exciting moments in my life. To be honest, I felt like I was on a series of speed dates, and while every single girl was nothing but sweet and welcoming, I’m not sure if I really connected with any of them.

To begin with, some figures must be given. This year, around 500 girls registered for recruitment. There are nine official Panhellenic chapters at UCSD, with one affiliate chapter whose recruitment is at a different time. Each chapter takes around 30 girls each year to build upon their chapter. That means that out of all these girls, only slightly more than half will end up in a sorority at the end of the session. Some will drop out during recruitment, some will reject their bids, and still some will simply be rejected.

As girls interested in joining a sorority, we are separated into groups of around 20-25 girls and headed by two Sigma Rho Chis, girls who have both been through rush as a possible new member and as a sister. They disaffiliate themselves for an entire summer and become part of the Panhellenic Council, giving advice to us and whatnot. On Open House, we are called upon to meet all the sororities, each in a separate room and referred to as “parties”, one group at a time.

When we enter a party, we are allowed to carry nothing but a slip with our names on it (as record that we’ve entered a party) and are also not allowed to carry anything out, including napkins, confetti, etc. Each room is filled with around 30-40 sisters and are decorated with the chapter’s colors. As we enter, the sisters sing, chant, hand us drinks, and otherwise welcome us. In some parties, we are paired one-on-one with an affiliate; in others, we are paired with another potential new member. We are given an introduction by the chapter president and VP of New Membership, then are told to mingle. We talk and exchange information with our paired sister for around 5-10 minutes, when another member comes up and switches out for her, starting the conversation anew. (It is in this sense that it feels like speed dating, of course.) This repeats for around 3-4 more times until the 30 minute exchange period is up.

Most of what the sisters talk to us about are obvious questions. As a sophomore, I’m usually asked questions such as, “Why didn’t you rush last year?”, “What are you looking for in a sorority?”, and “How was your last year/What was your high school experience like?” In turn, I asked questions such as, “What’s your favorite part of your sorority?”, “What philanthropic activities does this sorority support?”, and “What non-Greek associations are you affiliated with?” Most of all there’s a lot of eye contact, smiling, and light conversation, which doesn’t sound like much but is very exhausting after a while.

Today (or I should say last night) I met with five different chapters. I liked all of them, but there were definitely those who stood out. After tomorrow, when I meet the remaining chapters, I am asked to rank my top 6 choices. Those numbers are entered into a computer. The sororities also turn in names of girls they would like to see again. If our desires match up, then we meet them again for Spirit Night, on Saturday. Some girls will have fewer than six sororities to visit, and others will have just that. In any case, snap judgments will be made, and girls will be tested. Until then, wish me luck!

Rush Week Schedule

Rush Week starts tomorrow and continues on until next Tuesday, making my already hectic schedule a hot tranny mess. My Sigma Rho Chi, or Sorority Recruitment Counselor, gave me a call tonight and told me the schedule for the next six days.

Thursday // 4:00PM-10:00PM

Friday // 4:00PM-10:00PM

Saturday // 2:00PM-10:00PM

Sunday // 2:00PM-8:45PM

Monday // 4:00PM-9:00PM

Tuesday // BID DAY

Each day is planned specifically, with Thursday and Friday being Open House Nights, Saturday being Spirit Night, Sunday being Philanthropy Night, and Monday being Preference Night. Attendance to Bid Day is only required if bids are received from preferred sororities. Additionally, dress codes are different on each night.

I’m a little anxious about rushing, but (strangely enough) I’m more nervous about deciding what I’m going to wear tomorrow. Say what you will, but people will always judge you on your appearance first, and personality later. (And no, this is not the beginning of my transformation into a stereotypical sorority girl. Those don’t exist at UCSD, I think.)

why i’m joining a sorority

Going into college, I had many different opinions on Greek Life and sororities in particular, none of which were particularly accurate or highly favorable (read: I had no idea what I was talking about). Easy to say, my thoughts on the matter have changed a lot in the past year, mostly due to exposure to affiliated friends and acquaintances.

To be honest, the real reason I’m joining a sorority is because I’m lonely. Not in a sad, pathetic sense, because I have a great number of amazing and supportive friends, but because I find myself missing and lacking the large social circle I had in high school. Additionally, the idea of sisterhood and an extended “family,” so to speak, is more than a little tantalizing.

I’ve given thought to rushing for more than a year now. Though I entertained the idea last year, I didn’t have solidified desires until this summer. After talking to other friends who plan to rush, I am positive that I’m going to do it. It’s just too hard making friends in college, when there are so many people who attend the same school. I was extremely lucky to have suitemates and roommates that I really adore, but I’d like to extend myself in other directions, as well.

I have some insecurities about rushing, mostly those concerning not getting into the chapter I want, but mostly I’m going to pretend that I am lovable and entertaining and will be placed in a sorority I really belong in. Even if it doesn’t happen, I’ll still have the memories of the experience, which, if nothing else, will be a great story when I’m older.

Rush week starts next Thursday and lasts until Tuesday. If I’m not too busy, I’ll try to blog about each day a little bit and clear up the mystery behind rushing. Wish me luck!