*jen wondering

Wow, were my roommates and I obsessed with this song from The...

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 23:04:21 -0800

Wow, were my roommates and I obsessed with this song from The Cleveland Show. There was a time when you couldn’t ask for clarification without hearing someone answer with “balls deep.”

not this again

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 23:02:00 -0800

Most of these days I don’t have time for anything but sleep. There is always so much to do, so much to think about, so much to plan out or risk getting bitten in the butt at a later time. I wish I didn’t have to understand the necessity of prioritizing everything in my life, but that’s part of growing up, I guess.

I’m surprised at how often I feel homesick. Isn’t that silly? I’m a sophomore who’s finishing up her second quarter, and sometimes all I can think about is how much I miss having my own room and a mother that takes care all of the domestic things. Now I’m the one responsible for getting groceries, and making dinner, and having enough underwear to last through the week.

There’s just so much that they don’t tell you about college. You can have the experience of your life but along the way there’s a series of snags that disguise themselves as steps towards independence. I can take having to make new friends, learning to live with people, talking to a boyfriend who’s 3000 miles away instead of 3, but damn, am I having a hard time learning to take care of myself.

I wonder when I’ll stop feeling this way, like I have one foot at home with my parents and another out the door. I thought it would be when I moved out, but that’s not true at all. Maybe it’s because I’m still financially dependent. Maybe it’s because I still want to be taken care of. Or maybe I just want a little less responsibility, a little less noise telling me that if I fuck up, it’ll all be on me.

You are always wearing your letters

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 22:32:00 -0800

“You’re interested in joining our fraternity? We’d love to have you. You’re the type of person we look for: committed, enthusiastic, a leader. We think you’ll do great things here, and we hope that we’ll open some doors for you. You will make lifelong friendships, and hopefully, you’ll be the type of person whose positive impact will be felt here for many years.

This is the start of something really cool.

We know you have your reasons for joining, and we also know that the reasons you’ll stay will be entirely different. Trust us on that one. People tend to join for the image, the props, and the social stuff. They stay around for the friendships and because they find a place where they can impact the lives of others. It’s a family. We know this. Soon, you will, too.

Soon, these letters will be yours. But, there’s one lesson that we need to impress upon you before you sign your name on the dotted line, pay that first fee, and get that first t-shirt. It’s the single most important thing we’re going to ask of you, so you need to listen and understand it, now, before you say “yes.”

It’s the one most important thing that any fraternity or sorority can impress upon its new members. It’s the one lesson that every group must impress upon its newest members. Truly, our survival as an organization on this campus, and nationwide, depends on you understanding this one simple lesson and taking it to heart.

It’s more important than our history, our traditions, our structure, or our rules. Because, if you don’t understand this most fundamental lesson, then none of the other stuff will matter. If you don’t get this one “golden rule of fraternity,” then your son or daughter won’t have this kind of organization to join someday, and all of this will just be a fuzzy memory.

Here it is. Ready?

From the moment you say yes to this organization, you are always wearing your letters.

I’m going to repeat it.

From the moment you say yes to this organization, you are always wearing your letters.

We’re not talking about t-shirts, or sweatshirts, or hats made in the colors of the group. We’re not talking about a tattoo on your ankle, some party favor, or a badge you wear on your dress shirt.

What we mean is that when you say yes to lifetime membership in this group, everything you say, do and represent from that moment forward is a direct reflection on this group, your brothers, and the thousands of members who have come before you. Everything you put out to the world is a direct reflection of this fraternity. Every decision, every achievement, every mistake you make happens to all of us from this point forward.

When you go to the grocery store, you represent us. If you fall asleep in class or earn a weak grade, you represent us. When you drive down the road and slow down so a pedestrian can cross the street, you represent us.

When you turn 21 and hit the town, you represent us. When you become a leader of another campus organization, you represent us. When you insult someone or talk badly about another fraternity, you represent us. When you break up with someone and make decisions about how you behave during that difficult time, you represent us. When you go on Spring Break, you represent us.

When you go home and sit at your mother’s dining room table, you represent us. When you get a job and go to work for a company or organization, you represent us. When you commit your life to that special person, someday, you represent us.
You are always wearing your letters.

From this day forward, always. Every day, in every situation. They never come off.

As surely as if you tattooed these letters on your forehead. It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing a jersey with our name on it, or a business suit at an interview. You have to assume that every person you meet will form a permanent opinion about fraternities – good or bad – based on how you interact with them. Every good thing you do builds us up. Every dumb thing you do tears us down.

We live in a time when the actions of one man or one woman can kill a group like ours. One person who acts in a way that is inconsistent with our shared values can end a hundred years of tradition and pride. One choice you make on a Friday night can take away everything that generations of men have worked to build.

All the stuff you see that belongs to us can be boxed up or thrown out, because of the choices you make.

If this seems a little intense, that’s good. Because it’s serious. If it sounds like too much responsibility, or if you don’t think you can behave in a way that reflects well on us at all times, then walk away now. Do us the favor. We won’t think less of you. In fact, we’ll thank you. This sort of commitment isn’t for everybody.

But, don’t say yes unless you understand.

We’re not asking you to give up anything. We aren’t asking you to become something you aren’t. We’re asking you to become something more. We’re inviting you to become part of a group of men who make a promise to take care of each other, every day. We’re asking you to become the very best version of you that you can be.

We’re asking you to take a leap of maturity and to go to that place where you’re the same, honorable, dignified person on Saturday night as you are on Tuesday morning.

It’s a big deal, and not everyone can do it. Forget everything you’ve heard up to this point. Forget how much you might desire this, or how much we might want to bring you into the group. Just clear your mind and ask yourself one question.

Are you ready to never take them off?

Because when you say yes, you’re not just putting letters on a sweatshirt. You’re putting them in your heart. You’re forever stamping your identity with them. Everything you are, from this point on, becomes who we are.

You will make mistakes, and brothers will remind you of your commitment. There will be times where you will see other brothers forgetting their promise, and you’ll need to remind them. That’s part of this whole “fraternity” thing. We work together to make ourselves better men who stand for something. We carry each other. We matter to one another.

If we’re doing fraternity right, then we’ll make you a better man. If you’re doing everything right, then you will make us a better organization.

So, please think about it. Take it seriously.

Because if you say yes, these letters belong to you as surely as they belonged to our founders. If you say yes, these letters become your responsibility forever.
That’s the promise.”

(via The Apathy Myth)

For those in the Greek Community or planning on joining the Greek Community at some point, please give these words a little bit of thought.

Since the racially-charged incidents at UCSD* started in part because of several Greek organizations, I’ve been giving the idea of representation a lot of thought. People think of joining a sorority or fraternity for friends, for parties, for fun and good times, but branding yourself as a member of certain letters is a responsibility that we only seem to remember during initiation (reciting vows of lifetime membership, and being considered a recognized member) and other ritual events.

I enjoy being in my sorority, and I’m proud to be part of a sisterhood. However, there’s nothing scarier than knowing that everything you do from initiation on is a representation of an entire group of people you respect. As one of my sisters said, “What we mean is that when you say yes to lifetime membership in this group, everything you say, do and represent from that moment forward is a direct reflection on this group, your brothers, and the thousands of members who have come before you. Everything you put out to the world is a direct reflection of this fraternity. Every decision, every achievement, every mistake you make happens to all of us from this point forward.”

I know most people don’t respect sorority girls or fraternity men, because they don’t know the meaning of being bound by those letters and only see our escapades in drinking or in partying. But being Greek is a lot more than that, and being a sister is a lot more than that. It teaches, more than anything else, to respect an alliance and to better yourself because of it, and you become more than yourself.

* ‘Compton Cookout’ Cheatsheet by Teresa Wu, fellow UCSD student (and incidentally also graduated from my high school), for those who would like to follow the incident but don’t know where to start.

True Facts (via Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal)

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:02:22 -0800

True Facts

(via Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal)

Cherry heirloom tomatoes that I grabbed from the student store,...

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:10:42 -0800

Cherry heirloom tomatoes that I grabbed from the student store, halved and drizzled with balsamic and olive oil, and a sprinkle of pepper, eaten for dinner.

Don’t be fooled by all the pretty varieties: though the green ones look edible, they are nasty little fellows, not just sour but also astringent.

I’d Do It All Again, Corinne Bailey Rae, The Sea...

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 23:45:00 -0800

I’d Do It All Again, Corinne Bailey Rae, The Sea [2010]

Someone to love

It’s bigger than your pride’s worth
It’s bigger than the pain you got for all it hurts
It outruns all of the sadness
Is there a fine line to the darkness

Listen to this record immediately—it’s heargasmic. Oh Corinne, I have missed you so.

god and i opined

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 23:19:00 -0800

Let me start off my spiel by saying that I do not believe in talking about religion through the internet on principle, because most readers will merely take these words and project their own opinions through them without considering what is actually said. This bit of thought is not to be interpreted as a request for debate or criticism of Christians/atheists/whatever. With that said:

I despise the way Christianity is used nowadays, as a crutch by both those who follow the faith blindly and by those who label believers as backwards, whose opinions are not to be considered. I don’t think morals should have anything to do with religion, because what’s right should be right because it has a place in the world—not because God says so.

I’ve heard, listened, and watched too many people use Christianity as a defining edge in a stance. Citing scripture is not an appropriate form of argumentation, though it may be used as support. At the same time, just because God or the Bible is brought up in a conversation doesn’t mean it should be disregarded completely. Being an atheist doesn’t make one all-knowing, the same way being Christian doesn’t give one all the irrefutable right answers. In this manner I caution against using religion at all in conversation, because who is anyone to say what God wants or whether there is a God at all?

Unfortunately, there seems to be an unspoken rule on the internet that ignorance, irrationality, and sheer stupidity must invade all but few conversations on religion. While I personally believe that faith is a personal matter which requires a great deal of open-mindedness and consideration to cultivate, I seem to find more and more cases where God is a single-dimensional character whose words are twisted and abused to fit specific instances in life.

I suppose what I’m saying is this: if God’s will must be asserted as the reason something should or should not be done, His wishes better not be the sole support. Additionally, knowledge of a few dozen Biblical stories does not imply expertise on the Christian faith. Whether or not there is a God we should listen to should not affect every choice we make, be it the right to gay marriage, abortion, or marrying a cousin. To give all words consideration, even when filled with deep personal conviction, is a true sign of enlightenment, and the key to a rational society where everyone can live in understanding, if not agreement.

“A U.N. police officer unties the hands of a boy who took...

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 21:20:00 -0800

“A U.N. police officer unties the hands of a boy who took part in looting in downtown Port-au-Prince January 29, 2010.”

(via Haiti Three Weeks Later - The Big Picture)

Selections from Extraordinary Desserts We tried (top left,...

Sat, 30 Jan 2010 23:50:00 -0800

Selections from Extraordinary Desserts

We tried (top left, clockwise): La Bête Noire (“Traditional vanilla crème brûlée, chocolate truffle cream are layered in between dark chocolate cakes and moistened with Madagascar vanilla bean.”), Gianduia (“Myer’s Rum laced chocolate cake layers are married with hazelnut buttercream, chocolate mousse, and boysenberry preserves. Crushed pralines cover this most popular dessert.”), Torta Misu (“Our unique version of Tiramisu consists of espresso soaked ricotta cake layers and Italian mascarpone rum cream. This house favorite is finished with whipped cream and dusted with cocoa.”), and Ivoire Royale (“An exquisite torte made of fine layers of vanilla bean soaked pound cakes and creamy white chocolate mousse. Bursting with fresh raspberries, strawberries, blackberries and blueberrIes, this delicate mousse torte is hidden by white chocolate shaving dusted with powdered sugar.”). We also tried some sort of fruit Pavlova, which was excellent.

weekend foodie rundown

Sat, 30 Jan 2010 23:37:00 -0800

The boyfriend came across the country this weekend to spend time with me, so the friends and I decided to rise to the occasion and eat our way through San Diego. As expected, I spent my first paycheck on stuffing my face.

Sushi Deli

The cheapest, most assessable (read: white-palate friendly) sushi and Japanese food in San Diego, available at three locations (Sushi Delis 1, 2, and 3). It’s not the best sushi I’ve ever had, but at its price, it’s definitely worth a stop. We tried (among other things): teriyaki platters, tempura udon, and a bunch of different rolls. Our favorites are the 4x4 (four different pieces of four different rolls) and the Broadway (salmon, spicy tuna, tempura shrimp). For $16, I got a tempura udon and two rolls. Yum.

Joe’s Crab Shack

Let’s say this: we were all craving Boiling Crab, which was the only reason we decided to settle for Joe’s. The food was alright, but we definitely weren’t full, even after stuffing ourselves with the potatoes, corn, and sausage. Between five of us, we tried the Dungeness Crab Bucket in Garlic Herb and Spicy Boil, the Fire-Grilled Steampot and the Joe’s Classic Steampot. The Fire-Grilled was definitely the most tasty and flavorful. We split the bill, which came out to about $18 per person.

Phuong Trang

We always come to this Vietnamese/Chinese restaurant for pho, which is pretty darn good. Tasty broth and pretty fresh noodles, which is basically all I require. $5.50 for a regular sized bowl of Pho Tai.

Extraordinary Desserts

Um, YUM. Also, ridiculously expensive. I love this excellent dessert place, which always has several amazing varieties of cake and fruit pastries, and do both so well. Edible flowers and gold leaf adorn each piece of dessert, which comes to around $8.50, give or take. I suggest going to the Extraordinary Desserts on 5th Street, rather than the one in Little Italy, because there is simply more parking.

Phil’s BBQ

This place is amazing. Period. My friend Monica is obsessed with this BBQ joint, which is usually so popular that the line winds around the establishment. Great baby back ribs and beef ribs (and the best damn coleslaw I’ve ever tasted). To avoid the line, come after 9PM. We got a teaser platter for $7, which included a huge tower of french fries, coleslaw, and ribs (4 bones). Amaaazing.

Kurt Cobain and his daughter Frances Bean From 125 Rare Photos...

Sun, 24 Jan 2010 14:44:17 -0800

Kurt Cobain and his daughter Frances Bean

From 125 Rare Photos of Famous People

(via The Daily What)

Sleep Talkin' Man

Sat, 23 Jan 2010 02:08:00 -0800

Sleep Talkin' Man:

“My mild-manner English husband Adam lives quite a colorful existence in his dreams. Having benefited from hours of delight at his dead-of-night musings, I found it only fair to share them with the world.”

Some typical excerpts from this hilarious blog (and please, please don’t miss the audio samples on the left-hand side):

January 15, 2010

“Can you hold… can you hold my starfish? It doesn’t like it when I’m getting excited. Oh look, it likes you! Its legs are all cree-py cree-py.”

“Hey, don’t… don’t say anything. Why don’t you put it in an email, then I can ignore it at my pleasure.”

“I feel all rolley polley rolley polley. rolley pony PONY…. Splat!”

January 11, 2010

“Your mum’s at the door again. Bury me. Bury me deep.”

“Yeah, keep looking. It doesn’t get any better than this.”

“Shhhhhhhhh. shhhhhhhhh. I’m telling you: your voice, my ears. A bad combination.”

“You’re pretty. pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty…. [long pause] Now fuck off and be pretty somewhere else. I’m bored.”

[hand tangled in my hair, massaging my scalp] “I’m stuck. I’m stuck. Your pubes! You got to shave.”

“Butter… nut… squash. I like those words.”

life is

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 22:36:00 -0800

Incredibly busy and rewarding right now. I’m stressed out and exhausted but at the end of the day I couldn’t be happier doing anything else, because though maybe all of this will get old one day, it’s all I’ve got now.

(College is: lectures, friends, sorority life, boyfriend, new job, homework, midterms, parties, just enough sleep, and a whole lot of dirty jokes and junk food.)

[XKCD]

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 22:30:00 -0800

[XKCD]

“For nature lovers, this season has brought the appearance of a special species, homo...

Sat, 16 Jan 2010 20:18:00 -0800

“For nature lovers, this season has brought the appearance of a special species, homo studentus universitatus, a.k.a. the college student on break.

This highly social creature, which travels in packs and leaves a trail of unwashed dishes, is apparently drawn to return every winter to its parental nest. Researchers speculate that it is attracted to large-screen TVs, down comforters and a ready supply of food.

The initial arrival of homo studentus in late December is heralded by the appearance of a large pile of dirty laundry. This is followed by other piles of shoes and clothes, as the denim-rumped primate marks its territory by covering all flat surfaces with its possessions. Within days, the floor of its den is nearly impassable, though interestingly, the creature itself seems not to notice.

It generally remains in its winter habitat through mid-January, displaying the characteristics that make it a particularly intriguing form of wildlife.

A nocturnal animal, homo studentus is rarely glimpsed before mid-afternoon. Observers are warned: Do not attempt to disturb it before it awakens, as it can become hostile.

Once it begins to stir, it generally moves slowly to the vicinity of a television and a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. Again, do not approach it; at this point the creature appears to be unable to engage in conversation or even to hear sounds such as requests to walk the dog.

By late afternoon, however, homo studentus becomes fully conscious and begins to interact with other members of its species.

Homo studentus communicates largely by using its opposable thumbs for texting. The species’ social structure is complex and communal. Individuals gather in collectives, similar to hives, with different individuals fulfilling specific roles. One may buy the beer; another may surf YouTube for funny videos of animals.

They will often congregate on sofas in family rooms, burrowing underneath fleece throws and blankets. The pack can grow so large and dense that it may be difficult to discern which feet belong to which body. Observers trying to track the populations are advised to count heads.

Homo studentus is an extremely intelligent species, judging by the creatures’ GPAs, their verbal interactions and their speed with answers to “Jeopardy!” However, scientists are puzzled by their inability to fold blankets or put dishes into a dishwasher. It may be that their brains have evolved to specialize in such tasks as remembering lines from movies and applying to graduate school, to the detriment of those parts of the brain that are involved in such tasks as hanging clothes in a closet.

They appear to be cold-blooded, judging by the levels at which they set the thermostat. On the other hand, their preference for indoor heat may be a function of not paying for utilities.

Those who hope to observe this species closely can attract them by providing the right environment. Set out feeders, e.g. pizzas. Scatter indoor areas with pillows. Provide premium cable channels and potato chips. Stay out of sight and don’t touch the remote.

You may not always see the creatures themselves, particularly if you sleep at night. Some people have gone days without seeing the examples of homo studentus that have taken up residence in their homes. Be patient, and look for signs: A profusion of hair-care products in your bathroom, perhaps, or tire tracks in the snow on your front lawn. Eventually, even the most elusive of the creatures will show themselves, if only to ask you to buy more Honey Nut Cheerios.

The rewards of the species’ visit are substantial — a window into a complex society, happy noise in a quiet house, an impressive library of funny animal videos and the way your credit card feels so vibrantly alive. Indeed, many wildlife watchers are reluctant to see the creatures depart, and abandon their roles as observers to hug and kiss the creatures.

But the homo studentus season is brief. No matter how much the creatures have enjoyed the family nest and the use of their own bathrooms, they will soon return to college. Nature lovers must put away their binoculars, turn down the thermostat and bide their time until spring migration.”

- Barbara Brotman

Goodbye, by Asobi Seksu Disappointingly, their music is a lot...

Thu, 14 Jan 2010 23:49:00 -0800

Goodbye, by Asobi Seksu

Disappointingly, their music is a lot less shoegazey than I thought it would be.

Roomie and I are going to see obscure band Asobi Seksu (for the...

Thu, 14 Jan 2010 23:38:00 -0800

Roomie and I are going to see obscure band Asobi Seksu (for the twenty indie hipsters who just started protesting that they’re actually totally famous and well-known, please shut up) tomorrow night at The Loft. Their music is categorized as Dream Pop with influences from the Shoegazing genre, which Wikipedia informs me is “indistinguishable vocal melodies” blended with “creative noise of the guitars.” In summary, I’m going to have to see them high.

hello 2010

Tue, 12 Jan 2010 16:52:00 -0800

I realize I’m twelve days late for the “Welcome to the New Year”-shebang, but up until recently 2010 didn’t really feel like the start of anything, much less a new decade. While I’m at it, the year in review:

January

Started this blog. Wrote a lot while mostly trying to figure out what I wanted from life, especially after grades came out first quarter. Got trashed a few times and felt shitty while trying to get that “lease on life.” Studied. Studied. Studied.

February

Went home for President’s Day, which was fine until Epic Fight with father. Didn’t talk to him for four months (have yet to grow out of holding grudges). Relationship with boyfriend coming along swimmingly and thought about sex a lot. The internet didn’t help with that one, as everyone seemed to be thinking about sex during February. Questioned what I wanted to do with my life.

March

Finished the quarter and went to visit the boyfriend on the east coast. Trekked along in NYC and romanticized the idea of moving there when I’m worldly and 24. Quickly came down back to earth after realizing what a ridiculous and unrealistic idea it was. Had massive fight with suitemates over living situation for the next year and held a grudge.

April

Started a new quarter. Life was good. Went to a lot of concerts and the beach. Had a lot of weird thoughts about my relationship and didn’t realize that they were actually warning signs about the shit-storm that was to come. Won a blow-up doll. Made up with suitemates, grew closer to roommate. Good shit.

May

Went through too many complicated issues with the boyfriend. Didn’t want to break up but knew what we were doing wasn’t working. Worried about classes and grades a lot. Visited home and made up with Dad after being threatened by Mom. Things were cool by the end of the visit.

Summer

June-August came and went in a blur of happy memories and good food. Made up with boyfriend by seeing him all the time and talking about it. Made up with Dad by not getting in each other’s hair and not talking about it. Decided to join a sorority. Turned 19.

September

Came back to school. Partied. Too much alcohol (I think). So much school work. Barely writing.

October

Rushed and got into a sorority I liked and learned to love. Things are great with the boyfriend, with the new friends, with the roommates. Classes are coming along swimmingly, though I’m eating ramen basically every day. Life is alright. Still not writing.

November

Life becomes whirl of homework, parties, and people. Having minor fights with boyfriend over somewhat serious/somewhat stupid stuff, which resulted in a lot of two hour long walks at 10 at night. Not thinking about anything but getting into grad school. The whole “future” issue seems to have disappeared, though I’m still fidgeting over it. Wanting to write again.

December

Studying. Not sleeping enough. So, so ready to go home for Winter Break. Plans were made to visit New York. Plans fell through. Searched for a puppy for Mom and made up with boyfriend. Minor incidences of annoyance with parents. Bearable, through and through. Job searched.

And now? Well, January’s come and is halfway over, and I’m doing good for myself. After intensively dating PortTriton (UCSD’s job listing site), I found a job at a biomedical research lab, where I have a contract to work for at least through the summer and an extended offer to work through the next school year as well. Though it’s only second week, I’m doing my best to stay motivated and get my work in order. I’ve re-resolved to write more (hello, resolution of last year that resulted in this blog) and to care less about what people think of it. Things between the boyfriend and I are good (twenty-one months today!), as are relations with roommates and friends. I’m turning twenty this year, and life looks good.

The whole growing-up in college thing really surprises me sometimes. Having a successful long distance relationship, making friends outside of my established circle, going Greek, and getting a job—these are all things that I thought about but could have never predicted. I’m still making goals for myself, but I’m in no rush. One thing I learned from 2009 is to relax a little bit, so I’m going to do just that. Things will work out because things always work out, and that’s that.

Last night I made chili, McGyver-style. You see, I bought two...

Fri, 08 Jan 2010 10:29:00 -0800

Last night I made chili, McGyver-style. You see, I bought two cans of stewed tomatoes but couldn’t find the can opener… So I used a knife and carved my way into them. Quite dangerous and very manly, if I do say so myself.

Tuper Tario Tros

Thu, 07 Jan 2010 00:27:00 -0800

Tuper Tario Tros:

A ridiculously hard combination of Classic Super Mario Bros and Tetris. Maddeningly genius!