not this again

Most of these days I don’t have time for anything but sleep. There is always so much to do, so much to think about, so much to plan out or risk getting bitten in the butt at a later time. I wish I didn’t have to understand the necessity of prioritizing everything in my life, but that’s part of growing up, I guess.

I’m surprised at how often I feel homesick. Isn’t that silly? I’m a sophomore who’s finishing up her second quarter, and sometimes all I can think about is how much I miss having my own room and a mother that takes care all of the domestic things. Now I’m the one responsible for getting groceries, and making dinner, and having enough underwear to last through the week.

There’s just so much that they don’t tell you about college. You can have the experience of your life but along the way there’s a series of snags that disguise themselves as steps towards independence. I can take having to make new friends, learning to live with people, talking to a boyfriend who’s 3000 miles away instead of 3, but damn, am I having a hard time learning to take care of myself.

I wonder when I’ll stop feeling this way, like I have one foot at home with my parents and another out the door. I thought it would be when I moved out, but that’s not true at all. Maybe it’s because I’m still financially dependent. Maybe it’s because I still want to be taken care of. Or maybe I just want a little less responsibility, a little less noise telling me that if I fuck up, it’ll all be on me.

You are always wearing your letters

“You’re interested in joining our fraternity? We’d love to have you. You’re the type of person we look for: committed, enthusiastic, a leader. We think you’ll do great things here, and we hope that we’ll open some doors for you. You will make lifelong friendships, and hopefully, you’ll be the type of person whose positive impact will be felt here for many years.

This is the start of something really cool.

We know you have your reasons for joining, and we also know that the reasons you’ll stay will be entirely different. Trust us on that one. People tend to join for the image, the props, and the social stuff. They stay around for the friendships and because they find a place where they can impact the lives of others. It’s a family. We know this. Soon, you will, too.

Soon, these letters will be yours. But, there’s one lesson that we need to impress upon you before you sign your name on the dotted line, pay that first fee, and get that first t-shirt. It’s the single most important thing we’re going to ask of you, so you need to listen and understand it, now, before you say “yes.”

It’s the one most important thing that any fraternity or sorority can impress upon its new members. It’s the one lesson that every group must impress upon its newest members. Truly, our survival as an organization on this campus, and nationwide, depends on you understanding this one simple lesson and taking it to heart.

It’s more important than our history, our traditions, our structure, or our rules. Because, if you don’t understand this most fundamental lesson, then none of the other stuff will matter. If you don’t get this one “golden rule of fraternity,” then your son or daughter won’t have this kind of organization to join someday, and all of this will just be a fuzzy memory.

Here it is. Ready?

From the moment you say yes to this organization, you are always wearing your letters.

I’m going to repeat it.

From the moment you say yes to this organization, you are always wearing your letters.

We’re not talking about t-shirts, or sweatshirts, or hats made in the colors of the group. We’re not talking about a tattoo on your ankle, some party favor, or a badge you wear on your dress shirt.

What we mean is that when you say yes to lifetime membership in this group, everything you say, do and represent from that moment forward is a direct reflection on this group, your brothers, and the thousands of members who have come before you. Everything you put out to the world is a direct reflection of this fraternity. Every decision, every achievement, every mistake you make happens to all of us from this point forward.

When you go to the grocery store, you represent us. If you fall asleep in class or earn a weak grade, you represent us. When you drive down the road and slow down so a pedestrian can cross the street, you represent us.

When you turn 21 and hit the town, you represent us. When you become a leader of another campus organization, you represent us. When you insult someone or talk badly about another fraternity, you represent us. When you break up with someone and make decisions about how you behave during that difficult time, you represent us. When you go on Spring Break, you represent us.

When you go home and sit at your mother’s dining room table, you represent us. When you get a job and go to work for a company or organization, you represent us. When you commit your life to that special person, someday, you represent us.
You are always wearing your letters.

From this day forward, always. Every day, in every situation. They never come off.

As surely as if you tattooed these letters on your forehead. It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing a jersey with our name on it, or a business suit at an interview. You have to assume that every person you meet will form a permanent opinion about fraternities – good or bad – based on how you interact with them. Every good thing you do builds us up. Every dumb thing you do tears us down.

We live in a time when the actions of one man or one woman can kill a group like ours. One person who acts in a way that is inconsistent with our shared values can end a hundred years of tradition and pride. One choice you make on a Friday night can take away everything that generations of men have worked to build.

All the stuff you see that belongs to us can be boxed up or thrown out, because of the choices you make.

If this seems a little intense, that’s good. Because it’s serious. If it sounds like too much responsibility, or if you don’t think you can behave in a way that reflects well on us at all times, then walk away now. Do us the favor. We won’t think less of you. In fact, we’ll thank you. This sort of commitment isn’t for everybody.

But, don’t say yes unless you understand.

We’re not asking you to give up anything. We aren’t asking you to become something you aren’t. We’re asking you to become something more. We’re inviting you to become part of a group of men who make a promise to take care of each other, every day. We’re asking you to become the very best version of you that you can be.

We’re asking you to take a leap of maturity and to go to that place where you’re the same, honorable, dignified person on Saturday night as you are on Tuesday morning.

It’s a big deal, and not everyone can do it. Forget everything you’ve heard up to this point. Forget how much you might desire this, or how much we might want to bring you into the group. Just clear your mind and ask yourself one question.

Are you ready to never take them off?

Because when you say yes, you’re not just putting letters on a sweatshirt. You’re putting them in your heart. You’re forever stamping your identity with them. Everything you are, from this point on, becomes who we are.

You will make mistakes, and brothers will remind you of your commitment. There will be times where you will see other brothers forgetting their promise, and you’ll need to remind them. That’s part of this whole “fraternity” thing. We work together to make ourselves better men who stand for something. We carry each other. We matter to one another.

If we’re doing fraternity right, then we’ll make you a better man. If you’re doing everything right, then you will make us a better organization.

So, please think about it. Take it seriously.

Because if you say yes, these letters belong to you as surely as they belonged to our founders. If you say yes, these letters become your responsibility forever.
That’s the promise.”

(via The Apathy Myth)

For those in the Greek Community or planning on joining the Greek Community at some point, please give these words a little bit of thought.

Since the racially-charged incidents at UCSD* started in part because of several Greek organizations, I’ve been giving the idea of representation a lot of thought. People think of joining a sorority or fraternity for friends, for parties, for fun and good times, but branding yourself as a member of certain letters is a responsibility that we only seem to remember during initiation (reciting vows of lifetime membership, and being considered a recognized member) and other ritual events.

I enjoy being in my sorority, and I’m proud to be part of a sisterhood. However, there’s nothing scarier than knowing that everything you do from initiation on is a representation of an entire group of people you respect. As one of my sisters said, “What we mean is that when you say yes to lifetime membership in this group, everything you say, do and represent from that moment forward is a direct reflection on this group, your brothers, and the thousands of members who have come before you. Everything you put out to the world is a direct reflection of this fraternity. Every decision, every achievement, every mistake you make happens to all of us from this point forward.”

I know most people don’t respect sorority girls or fraternity men, because they don’t know the meaning of being bound by those letters and only see our escapades in drinking or in partying. But being Greek is a lot more than that, and being a sister is a lot more than that. It teaches, more than anything else, to respect an alliance and to better yourself because of it, and you become more than yourself.

* ‘Compton Cookout’ Cheatsheet by Teresa Wu, fellow UCSD student (and incidentally also graduated from my high school), for those who would like to follow the incident but don’t know where to start.

god and i opined

Let me start off my spiel by saying that I do not believe in talking about religion through the internet on principle, because most readers will merely take these words and project their own opinions through them without considering what is actually said. This bit of thought is not to be interpreted as a request for debate or criticism of Christians/atheists/whatever. With that said:

I despise the way Christianity is used nowadays, as a crutch by both those who follow the faith blindly and by those who label believers as backwards, whose opinions are not to be considered. I don’t think morals should have anything to do with religion, because what’s right should be right because it has a place in the world—not because God says so.

I’ve heard, listened, and watched too many people use Christianity as a defining edge in a stance. Citing scripture is not an appropriate form of argumentation, though it may be used as support. At the same time, just because God or the Bible is brought up in a conversation doesn’t mean it should be disregarded completely. Being an atheist doesn’t make one all-knowing, the same way being Christian doesn’t give one all the irrefutable right answers. In this manner I caution against using religion at all in conversation, because who is anyone to say what God wants or whether there is a God at all?

Unfortunately, there seems to be an unspoken rule on the internet that ignorance, irrationality, and sheer stupidity must invade all but few conversations on religion. While I personally believe that faith is a personal matter which requires a great deal of open-mindedness and consideration to cultivate, I seem to find more and more cases where God is a single-dimensional character whose words are twisted and abused to fit specific instances in life.

I suppose what I’m saying is this: if God’s will must be asserted as the reason something should or should not be done, His wishes better not be the sole support. Additionally, knowledge of a few dozen Biblical stories does not imply expertise on the Christian faith. Whether or not there is a God we should listen to should not affect every choice we make, be it the right to gay marriage, abortion, or marrying a cousin. To give all words consideration, even when filled with deep personal conviction, is a true sign of enlightenment, and the key to a rational society where everyone can live in understanding, if not agreement.

weekend foodie rundown

The boyfriend came across the country this weekend to spend time with me, so the friends and I decided to rise to the occasion and eat our way through San Diego. As expected, I spent my first paycheck on stuffing my face.

Sushi Deli

The cheapest, most assessable (read: white-palate friendly) sushi and Japanese food in San Diego, available at three locations (Sushi Delis 1, 2, and 3). It’s not the best sushi I’ve ever had, but at its price, it’s definitely worth a stop. We tried (among other things): teriyaki platters, tempura udon, and a bunch of different rolls. Our favorites are the 4x4 (four different pieces of four different rolls) and the Broadway (salmon, spicy tuna, tempura shrimp). For $16, I got a tempura udon and two rolls. Yum.

Joe’s Crab Shack

Let’s say this: we were all craving Boiling Crab, which was the only reason we decided to settle for Joe’s. The food was alright, but we definitely weren’t full, even after stuffing ourselves with the potatoes, corn, and sausage. Between five of us, we tried the Dungeness Crab Bucket in Garlic Herb and Spicy Boil, the Fire-Grilled Steampot and the Joe’s Classic Steampot. The Fire-Grilled was definitely the most tasty and flavorful. We split the bill, which came out to about $18 per person.

Phuong Trang

We always come to this Vietnamese/Chinese restaurant for pho, which is pretty darn good. Tasty broth and pretty fresh noodles, which is basically all I require. $5.50 for a regular sized bowl of Pho Tai.

Extraordinary Desserts

Um, YUM. Also, ridiculously expensive. I love this excellent dessert place, which always has several amazing varieties of cake and fruit pastries, and do both so well. Edible flowers and gold leaf adorn each piece of dessert, which comes to around $8.50, give or take. I suggest going to the Extraordinary Desserts on 5th Street, rather than the one in Little Italy, because there is simply more parking.

Phil’s BBQ

This place is amazing. Period. My friend Monica is obsessed with this BBQ joint, which is usually so popular that the line winds around the establishment. Great baby back ribs and beef ribs (and the best damn coleslaw I’ve ever tasted). To avoid the line, come after 9PM. We got a teaser platter for $7, which included a huge tower of french fries, coleslaw, and ribs (4 bones). Amaaazing.